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Monday, August 22, 2011

Just the Beginnings

 thanks for remembering that it had been a year since I started coming to see you. It has actually been a year and two months. My first session with you was on Saturday June  the 12th, 2010. And my experience was everything and more than I had hoped it would be. That first session really got me hooked on you. In fact I don’t know if I could ever submit myself to another dominatrix. You are just too special. I think maybe I could if it was your desire and you were there to protect me from serious harm though.  Anyway, some of the things I love about our sessions are that I don’t have to be terrified that you will seriously hurt me. I guess you would say that I have learned that I can safely “loan” my mind and body to you in the knowledge that they won’t be seriously damaged upon their return. That may seem funny but it is really important to me. Especially with someone like you, your persona is so powerful and hypnotic to me. You absolutely MESMERISE me. You really could hurt me SO bad if you were so inclined. Please don’t though? I become powerless to you and compelled to obey you very soon after you have started “playing” with me. It is hard for me to “snap” out of the trance you envelope me in.  You would make a great hypnotist. You might want to consider getting certified. Anyway, that is what I want. It is very emotionally pleasurable and healing to be under your command and control; to no longer have to make any decisions. My mind can relax because it is just along for the “ride”. It is a very warm and comforting feeling. It kind of reminds me of how I used to feel in grade school and to some extent middle school and high school. I felt in a way oppressed by a powerful system, but I also knew, or felt, that if I abided by the rules, well, this point often got me into trouble; I would be protected and taken care of. I have never felt protected in life ever since leaving the “shelter” of the public school system. Everything seems transitory, temporary or precarious. But I do feel that the maturation process is primarily about learning to accept and to be flexible enough to address these fundamentals that are so intimately a part of being a conscious entity.   When with you I feel safe enough to free myself for a brief period of time of worrisome thoughts.  Also, when you play with me it usually does not seem like you are being mean to me. That is very important for my psyche. That treatment hurts me too much. I can’t take it for long without getting severely depressed. I kind of feel, although I don’t have a lot of experience in this area either so I do accept that my perception may be false or too much of a generalization, that most dominatrixes enjoy their work because they hate men. You don’t give that impression at all. At least not to me, thank you.  I remember that there were many wonderful experiences for me on that first day. You are the best! Not only did I receive a spanking on my completely bare skin for the first time ever, it was my first bare bottom PADDLING!!!! OHHHHHHH……….. did that ever STIIIIING!!!  But you did not stop there. I think you were trying to see what I was made of.  You gave me what seemed  like an initiation into the world of B&D. Because I had asked for the paddling but you really went above and beyond with my first experience! Not only did you give me an absolutely bottom blistering paddling but you then shredded the first layer skin off of both cheeks of my butt with a rubber cat. I’m not sure if you have used it on me since. Maybe next time you could use that on me as a kind of anniversary surprise? I am curious to see if I am more able to handle it now or less. I do remember that you got a safe word out of me twice. My butt almost felt wet and I guess during this punishment it probably was; after all the outer layer of skin was virtually flayed off during this wonderful lashing. But as usual, you know I ultimately loved it even though at the time I was sobbing so hard I could not breathe at times.

This time was another amazing experience too.  You were so friendly to me. I truly love and crave that. Sitting and talking with you at the beginning, discussing what you have planned makes me ready for almost anything.  You can hurt me to your pleasure and I absolutely love it when you are at the same time calming and soothing me as you were this time.  I love that so much about your sessions. After making me comfortable and more relaxed, I’m always full of nervous anticipation when first arriving, comes the transformation; YOU take charge.  Typically you order me to remove all of my clothes and fold them neatly on a chair as you did this time. Then you commanded me to come to you. As I walk to you I get such an intense feeling of vulnerability as I realize that every inch of me is exposed to your scrutiny and to your tortures too if it is your desire because I have completely submitted to you. For now you own what you see.  When I got to you, you ordered me stand with my back against a cold, black metal pole that went from floor to ceiling. You had me place my hands straight down against my hips and then you blindfolded me. Next you looped a rope around my neck and proceeded to wrap, pull, tug, tighten and entwine me into complete immobility and security against the pole. It brought to mind the plight of an unfortunate moth having blundered into the mesh trap of a black widow spider being encased in silk by her prior to injecting her fatal dose of venom. My fate was now completely in your hands……..