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Thursday, May 30, 2013

Submissive Self Acceptance, or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bondage.

OH YES, It was a fun party!
I am lucky. I tend to get to be surrounded by people who have learned to accept BDSM, their draw to it, and its place in their life and who they are. I do however spend time with people who are exploring self acceptance.  I myself am on a constant journey to completely accept and enjoy My own needs and desires.
I was at a play party recently, and a lovely lady said, "Who wants to spank me now!"  It is so silly that I had about 5% hesitation before raising My hand.  I wanted to spank her, (WHOO HOOOOO!) and she wanted to be spanked. (WHOO HOOO!) While I was spanking her, people were watching.  I was thoroughly enjoying Myself, and felt at one point a twinge of shyness, embarrassment, the feeling of "I'm a weirdo for paddling this lovely naked bottom and really enjoying the swats and her reactions."
I was talking about My very religious upbringing later, and someone said, "But if you have the guilt that can be a fun thing to play with."  So that is an interesting way to think of this.  I definitely have less guilt and hesitation than most people, but it is still a journey for Me just as it is anyone else.
When I've spent time with male submissives who are learning how to let go and love the bondage, I would say these are some of the big blocks I've seen:  (Keep in mind, as above, sometimes the things holding you back can be the fun things to play with as well.)

  • Masculinity- "I'm less of a man for wanting this."  Really?  It takes a ton of courage to submit to someone else and god knows what!  Especially if it's a beautiful woman! We are terrifying!
  • Gross!- Guess what?  Almost every aspect of sexual stuff is gross.  Fluids come out of My vagina when I'm aroused. Get over it.
  • Body Issues- We all have them. No one is perfect. One of the fun things about BDSM- blindfolds. Latex. Corsets.  We have built in ways to feel more sexy in our bodies.
  • Self Consciousness about what you enjoy- We may have been taught things are weird or wrong.  I fail to see how anything enjoyed completely consensually and freely by two adults (or several, tee-hee) should be wrong.  It may be weird-  isn't that wonderful?  What a DIVERSE and constantly surprising world we live in!
  • Judgment of the world- This is why it is so important to allow ourselves some people in our lives who accept us, our full sexual selves, and their own sexual selves.  Sometimes (and especially in the Cincinnati climate) in secret.
Part of My own personal self growth has been about accepting My sadistic side, accepting My enjoyment of the sexual objectification of the male (consensually!), accepting My somewhat hyperactive sex drive and predatory nature, and integrating these into My life in a healthy way.  I feel strongly that denying them manifests negatively in My life, at the very least with depression.  We are glad to live in the internet age, where we can look up other people who get aroused by smashing cupcakes with their feet!
I'll end this with an excerpt from another blog I've enjoyed, and a link to it for those who want to read more! Have a great weekend!