Sunday, August 18, 2013

Finally Letting Go

As You know, i have dreamed of submission for nearly thirty years, but never had the opportunity.  It has now been two hours since You released me from my first session, and my head is still humming (not to mention my body).  i can't express in words the pleasure in meeting You.  You are stunning, Your voice reassuring, Your eyes beckoning, Your legs exquisite.  You wore a black dress that exuded simple elegance and class, and dark hose adorned Your exquisite legs.  i entered more nervous than i can remember ever having been before, my heart racing with anticipation and excitement.  i've been feeling that way for four days, since You first responded to my application, and still do.  However, Your eyes and Your voice inspire trust, and i couldn't wait to submit.

After we climbed a set of stairs, You had me sit at Your feet and tried Your best to make me comfortable and engage in conversation, but for the first time in my life i found myself speechless.  i could have remained at your feet for hours, but would have struggled against the urge to run my hands along Your legs.  You had clearly studied my application, and You were concerned about marking my body, lest my Wife might see.  i wondered, "how could such beauty and sweetness inflict pain?"

Then You led me up another flight of stairs to survey Your dungeon.  It was inviting, clean, thoughtfully decorated.  Instruments were neatly hung and lain.  It was immediately clear that You had taken great time and care to build it.  However, it was also a bit frightening because i had no idea where i would fit or how i would be used.   You very soon asked me to remove all my clothing and place it neatly in the bathroom.  i have never felt so naked and exposed.  Yet i did not feel Your judgment -- only Your power and control.  Kneeling on the floor near Your St. Andrew's Cross, You taught me how to show respect in my responses, then You taught me two positions for supplication.  You knew my physical limitations would not allow for the positions You preferred, but You instantly and easily improvised.  The first position, "Present," had me kneeling at your feet and available to you.  The second position, "Obey," had me on my knees, head to the floor, arms stretched flat in front of me in a triangle.  In the second position, i became not only available to your touch, but also vulnerable to your whimsy.  i wanted to remain in the second position forever.  Even though You did not intend to mark my body, i longed to receive whatever corporal discipline You might enjoy.  You ran your nails along my back side, and i quivered with pleasure and anticipation.  i pray i soon find myself in the Obey position again.

Next you led me to the other room and asked me to lie on the medical examination table.  You fitted my hands with latex mittens, blindfolded me, then tied me securely to the table.  For the first time in my life, i felt helpless, totally exposed and vulnerable to another person.  i can't remember feeling happier.  What a rush.  i could feel my chest heaving with each breath, my hands beginning to sweat inside the latex mittens, and i could barely move.

You worked methodically and quietly.  With each new application, You allowed me time to gather myself; but the waiting caused the intense anticipation to build.  What next?  Could i withstand whatever pain you planned to inflict?  i so desperately wanted to please You.  You had me rehearse my safe word several times and assured me You would not be displeased if i used it.  i hoped i wouldn't.  i hoped You could be as sadistic as You wished.

Then i heard several electrical "zaps."  I can only guess You were holding a violet wand, but i couldn't see.  i knew, though, i would soon feel electricity.  You moved the wand up and down my body, lingering at my nipples and my genitals.  You knew i had only experienced electricity in my nipples before today, and only at my own hand.  Your wand felt incredible, buzzing along my body, until you hit the tip of my penis.  That stung, and i wiggled relexively; but i loved it.  "This is it," i thought.  "This is who i am, what i've longed to feel."  You had complete control and i had finally submitted.  i knew You wouldn't hurt me, and i felt safe.  But i also knew You would test me, and my heart began to race.  You had just begun, and i gladly submitted myself to Your mercy.

Next You placed a nipple tower on my chest and attached clamps to my nipples.  The clamps seemed to slip, and perhaps prevented You from stretching further than You did.  At the time, i felt only pleasure and could have withstood more; but now, i feel the residual pain -- and it feels incredible.  i am squeezing them now, and it reminds me of You.  i yearn for more.

You released the clamps and returned to the electricity, this time with a little more intensity.  You came close to reaching my limit, but not quite.  i did think for a moment you were burning my left nipple, but You seemed to know the exact moment to pull away.  Then i believe You intended to employ a TENS unit, and You attached a clamp to my penis.  i've never felt such pain.  It felt like a razor slicing through the skin.  For the first and only time, i spoke the safe word "red."  it disappointed me at the time, and it disappoints me now.  i would have liked to experience what You intended.  "Not to worry," You said, "there are other ways to do this."  And you applied pads to my balls and the base of my penis.  Perhaps You were concerned i couldn't withstand much more, but i felt only a vibration.  A wonderful and pleasing vibration.  Frankly, i would have liked a little more intensity.  And then i felt the sound around the tip of my penis.  i drew yet another deep breath.  i suppose my urethra couldn't swallow the sound; but i shuddered every time You applied a little bit of pressure.  If asked, i would never have considered sounding.  Now i regret it couldn't go further.  A sound buried in my urethra with a bit of electricity  would have been incredible.  Painful but incredible.  But as You did during the entire scene, You respected my limits.

Next You sprayed a bit of lubricant onto my abdomen and into my genital region.  It felt nice.  Then it felt a little warm.  Then it felt as though i were on fire.  Deep heat spray!  For a few minutes, i wasn't sure if i would be able to stand it.  Holy crap!  Another activity i would never have thought to request.  i heard myself moan, as though i were only observing.  It was an intense sensation and i wondered how long it would last.  After a few minutes, however, the fire began to subside a bit; but it stayed warm for quite a while.  You squeezed my nipples hard and i felt so connected to You.  Then with that sweet voice, you softly asked me if i were glad You didn't apply heat spray to the sound.  A wave of emotion swept through me, knowing what You could have done, knowing how dangerous it might be to disobey You.

It was time to remove the pads from my balls, but You had one last surprise in store.  A short huge blast of electricity, more than i could handle.  i screamed out twice in agony as you softly giggled at my predicament.  How powerful You are.  You untied me, removed the mittens, and removed the blindfold.  You reassuringly touched my chest and shoulder, grounding me.  i couldn't see for a minute or two, and how i longed to see You.  As disrespectful as it may have been, i wanted to look into those dark, piercing eyes.  i wanted you to know how much I appreciated the opportunity to serve You and how happy you made me feel.

You commanded that i return to the other room, and placed me in the Obey position.  Again i felt excitement and fear surge through me.  Would You flog me?  Would You take advantage of my exposed balls?  i so wanted You to bind me to the St. Andrew's Cross and have Your way with me.  i couldn't have cared less about marks on my body.  i could only imagine how amazing You are with those floggers, whips, and paddles hanging on the wall.  "I want You to get dressed.  It's been two hours," You said.  Not possible!  i just got here!  Please don't stop now!  "you can take a shower if you like," You said, and repeated, almost demanding.  Are You kidding?  Wash the warmth of the heat spray from my body?  i knew it wouldn't stay warm much longer, but i couldn't bear the thought of missing a second.

i can't say I would want to experience everything You did to me a second time, but i would endure if it pleased You.  i learned so much about myself today.  More than i could learn from a year in psychotherapy.  i am not a pain slut.  i have a fairly low tolerance for pain, but I am definitely a masochist.  Now i hope You will play with me some more.  You were so skilled at testing my limits without ever making me feel unsafe.  i can only imagine what You are capable of doing when You've gotten to know me better.  When can i see you again?  How soon can You have me bound to Your St. Andrew's cross?  How soon can You have my balls in Your skilled hands, ready to destroy me with a simple squeeze?

Thank You, Mistress, thank You.