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Thursday, December 5, 2013

The Definition of a True Submissive

What truly defines a submissive?

I spend time with a lot of people who enjoy being in their submissive mind space, and it seems to bring up a lot of questions.  Especially in our society there is a lot of discomfort and shakiness around the need to submit, and those of you who enjoy submission.

In My personal opinion the definition of a submissive is:
A person who enjoys the feelings of relinquishing control.

Most submissives find a combination of thrill or excitement with letting go, and a sort of relief, calming or relaxation from their submission.  Some may find it very easy to let go, some may take a little while.

The myth that all submissives are alpha in real life is simply not true.  Life calls for every one of us to be submissive or alpha at various times. Many of us are in a very submissive mode at the DMV or with a police officer at a traffic stop for instance. Many of us can be very alpha in certain business meetings and then very submissive in other ones.... there is a spectrum here.  Various needs and goals are facilitated by taking on a submissive or alpha role and I don't see any problem with that.  I do agree that some people who spend a great deal of time on one side of this spectrum enjoy time on the other side for a balance. However, a lot of people who are submissive a great deal of time in daily life also enjoy consensual D/s submission because of the consent, eroticism, knowing they are pleasing someone, or just plain kinkiness. As thoughtful and emotional beings we often play with the things that hold the most capacity to hurt us, to develop "callouses", comfort, and safety around those things.

There doesn't really NEED to be a deep seated need in the brain or life of a person to dictate an enjoyment of BDSM. For some of us that is how it works, but not all.  SOME PEOPLE JUST ENJOY A BREAK.  A break from who they are supposed to be, a break from thinking about this and that, a break from the minutia of daily life.  As a sweet little boy wrote lately to Me,
 "Why, when I'm under pressure, or a little depressed, why do I always feel better after a session? Logically it doesn't make much sense to me, but emotionally I guess it does."
Submission is not defined by PAIN.  Painsluts are fabulous and bring a great deal of joy to My life, however you don't need to like pain to be submissive.  Pain, bondage, sissification, protocols, worshipping My feet, and so on are all just TOOLS to help achieve and reinforce that submissive mind state.  One is not more effective than the other, and different tools work for different people.

This brings Me back to lack of control, and why scripted sessions don't work.  Part of what My submissives rely on Me for is to make up sessions for them.  They simply arrive and submit. I have a detailed application of course to help Me learn what tools tend to work best to help them submit, but the choices for what happens and how are Mine.  This is extremely important. Sometimes I will even put a submissive through something they don't enjoy because I enjoy it... you will learn to enjoy and want MY fetishes.  This only reinforces the high of the lack of control you can feel.  In the process of doing the thing I want you to do, a wave of powerlessness, the emptying of YOUR life, YOUR day, YOUR wishes happens.  WE (that's YOU AND ME) are shutting off your conscious mind and letting Me run your mind and body.

24/7 submission to Me is not so much a different ball game as a longer amount of time spent in that submissive mind state.  Just as with exercising, meditation or any other practice the more time spent can create a deepening, ease, discovery of different levels of submission and so on. Of course this requires a longer amount of time with Me in the controlling and dominant position, so this is something I don't take lightly or enter into without a great deal of chemistry and discussion of goals.  I look at 24/7 submission as a way for Me as a Goddess to mold, shape and enrich the entire life of My submissive. I may also require some dark evil things for My own lust and prurient interests, but largely I am a sweet, caring Mistress to My 24/7 slaves. I am truly dominant and pretty self centered however, so I am not sweet and caring because the submissive wants that, but because being that sort of Goddess makes Me happy and adds to My life.