Thursday, February 27, 2014

What I am enjoying this week

I tell My submissives My mood and tastes change all the time.  I am very into playing with rope as of late and I am really enjoying how quickly in can take a man down to a very calm submissive state.  I have played with rope a lot, and appreciated it, however, as with any true art, delving deeper into the medium brings deeper rewards.

I remember years ago when I first brought out the rope, it seemed a tangled, uncontrollable mess.  After a few self led attempts My leather Sir mentor taught me how to tie a body harness, limb ties, and store and clean the rope.  (This is a good view of how some of My training went.  I would explore, play, and come to him with questions and issues. He allowed Me to find My own niche and tastes.)Somehow it all began to come easily to Me, and the rope began to feel like a simple and natural extension of My dominant energy.  One of My favorite parts of playing with rope is the "manhandling" one can enjoy with another person a bit tied up.  Being physically a somewhat tiny woman (allbeit with a huge ego)  and throwing big men around is very sexy.

Shibari and rope bondage, like many other BDSM modalities has been showcased in erotic photography and the idea has become a bit mainstream.  Just like other BDSM modalities, however, like wearing a collar, kneeling at Her feet, being over a knee, the true experience of being tied is much more deep and submissive than the photos will ever tell.

Later this spring, I will have the opportunity to study with a great inspiration to Me in this field, Lew Ruben. He is all at once a sadistic, imaginative, and amazingly prolific rope artist.  It will mean a lot to Me to learn with someone who has not only technical skills, but also a truly sadistic view on things and some terrible ideas. Here is a link to view some of the wonderful torturous predicaments he has created.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

How to Find a Dominatrix, and How to Avoid a Prostitute

DISCLAIMER: In NO way do I hope to demean or denigrate ANY sex worker.
This post is to help those looking for BDSM play only.

To a lot of people who have been in the scene a long time, they have been doing it long enough to really tell with one glance if a Domina is legitimate or not, of course once a while they can even go wrong.  It also NEVER hurts to communicate explicitly that you are NOT interested in sexual services, before you are all tied up and gagged. A real Domina will understand your trepidation and not judge you for wanting to be clear and safe with her.

Here's a quick guide to help you find the Domina of your dreams, and not get disappointed.

How to find a dominatrix in your area:

A few websites many real Dominas use to find submissives: 
  •   Look in the BDSM section- some are escorts so be picky.
  •  - in Adult services, dom and fetish. Once again, some escorts advertise here also.

Does she have other ads? If she does offer sexual services as well, you will definitely want to specify what you are looking for here, or move on. Dominas usually don't offer sexual services, as we find it to be detrimental to the D/s dynamic.

Does she have a site or blog, or even an active Fetlife account?  A prostitute who gets paid for sexual services will not want to invest her time and money in fleshing out a huge BDSM or Femdom internet presence.

Does she have a dungeon, or toys?  A prostitute may have a handful of strapons, restraints, usually a lower quality whip. No offence here, she just has no reason to invest a lot of money in these things as there is less return for her.  A dominatrix will usually have at the very least a pretty good assortment of toys for more specialized bdsm play.

Does she look like a dominatrix?  All stereotypes aside, her ads will focus more on her dominance, skill or toys than on her ass or various sexual body attributes, as a dominatrix's clientele sees her more for her mind than her looks.  She will usually avoid submissive poses as well in her photographs.

Does she have any community support?  Community support, activity with other Dommes, or local groups is a good sign she really is what she says she is and truly has something to offer.

How much does she seem to know about BDSM?  A professional Domina does BDSM play professionally, so she has pretty much run the gamut of fetishes and kinks.  If she hasn't dealt with your fetish before, while rare, that's fine- but she should seem to be well-learned and experienced with most BDSM activities.  A prostitute may need more information from you, toys from you, etc.

Does she have any reviews?  Always look at reviews, this can clear things up pretty fast.

A few more words of help to those searching for a Domina:

Dominas are approached by men constantly, in real life and the internet, however they have made themselves available to enrich the lives of a select few. Dominas can often be curt in our replies; we can often break communication when we feel it is going nowhere.  Our time is very precious so if you want to see a Domina you really need to be respectful and to the point.  Worship with words is best done in session, not on the phone or in email.  You are simply arranging a visit.  Remember that you are not looking for a bully or mentally unstable woman, you are looking for a practitioner of BDSM and fetish arts.  Unless of course you are looking for the former, which is much easier to find.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Being a Dominant Woman: BDSM Game for Couples in Real Life

I know what it is like to live in the real world. You may want to play or enjoy fetish but stress and life and expected roles keep you from it.  I try to create ways to help with that so people can enjoy play regardless. This is a game I thought of for couples to play together with Femdom, Goddess worship style.  It is easy and simple and one must remember:

AS THIS IS ALL ABOUT HER, the woman can keep on Her work clothes or wear whatever She pleases. I call this game "Leftovers" because I feel it is a good way to warm up to Femdom play, and it can be done after a day of work, it can be done with little or no prep.  It is proper to set an ending and starting time. If there is extra time at the beginning, a nice bath, chocolate, wine for Her may help the mood- anything to help Her feel luxurious and Goddess like.

The male is to be wrapped in saran wrap, with head exposed, either in a chair or on the coffee table. This can be done easily with either a few roles of regular saran wrap or BEST done with huge roll from the packing supply section of a hardware store. Alternatively the male can be simply restrained, that is, however the Lady prefers.  It is important to note the male should also be dressed how She prefers, to Her taste. Naked, in something She finds sexy, whatever he had on, it is up to Her.  If the Lady is a fan of "Dexter" She may also place a forehead restraining layer of saran to Her taste.

It is best to gag the male if the couple is newer to BDSM or perhaps the Lady is less in the mood. The most fun and cheapest, widely available gag would be to stuff Her panties in his mouth.  This can be done however She chooses, quickly and dismissively, depending on Her mood, or She can sit on top of him, tease him with them, make him consent or beg to be gagged with them.  This can help establish his place, help him to be in the submissive mood, and show HER the sexual power She has over him in this position.

AT ANY time if the male does NOT produce the behavior SHE wants to see, She may aim to NEGATIVELY reinforce this behavior; this can be done with punishment or SIMPLY LEAVING HIM ALONE TO SIT THERE WITHOUT HER.  Chances are, he would prefer to be played with, but She has NO obligation to do so, as this is about HER pleasure.  He will only be messed with when Her mood is stroked the right way! She has no need to justify any of Her behavior, if the male is simply annoying, testy, not eager enough, too damn eager, NOT PLAYING ALONG (the most heinous crime of all).  She should feel free to follow any damn whim She feels.

NOW when the male is gagged and restrained, this is a good time to use for some activity you have been putting off but need to do.  PLAY is going to make this boring activity fun!  Computer work, picking up the house, taxes, checking emails... whatever.  It is not imperative you even do something like that, I personally just like to use the time productively and it also creates a strong pull away from the male which you need to focus on.  I am also more aroused when My house is clean.  (Of course you could have had him clean already, and this is his reward!!!)  This way you can also justify following your whims-i.e. "Oh, well, I have to go back to what I was doing now, boy". She can watch TV, do yoga, or shop for shoes on the internet. She should ENJOY Her time, and focus on feeling good.  TO BE CLEAR, this is a way to play together, but it is also a time for the Lady to either be able to relax or get something done, and THIS TIME IS ALL ABOUT HER.  Music, candles, and incense can be good -to Her pleasure!

The male is here at this time for Her entertainment, Her punching bag, 

Her footrest, Her sexual toy, Her inanimate object.

Whenever SHE feels like it, like on the way to bathroom, between tasks, when frustrated or frisky, She can entertain Herself with his struggle!

The good thing about the male being restrained and gagged is She has the quiet and freedom to be creative and enjoy Herself.  Because he knows he will be left alone if he doesn't act right, he has a huge incentive to be the ideal play partner.  She should not feel obligated to play when he wants, because every time She can deny him he will be getting more and more excited.  Specifically when he wants it the most can be the most fun time for Her to do something else, or just enjoy having a laugh at his predicament.
This is NOT a list of things for Her to do- this is a list of things I think can be fun with this sort of game, for example.

  • getting dressed up, in lingerie or latex and teasing, simply enjoying being sexy, and basking in your own sexual power.
  • torment- pain play can be experimented with of any kind, with a safe word of course.  he will be VERY receptive especially if he has been teased.
  • She can masturbate or use Her sex toys... wherever and however She pleases. In another room, on top of him, with him as a prop, near him but where he can hear but not see Her.
  • When he needs water or would hope for a bit of Her wine, he must drink what falls from Her mouth or Her body.  She becomes his source and sustenance.
  • She may force him to worship Her, any way She chooses, or even worship something She is wearing.
  • he may be blindfolded when and as She chooses.  This can be fun, but She should never forget the buildup of sexual power transferred as he is able to look at Her. 
These are just a few ideas. But basically, She has him over a barrel quickly if She has followed the above ideas, with little effort on Her part, and only when She likes.  So, if She has some fantasy, new toy, or thing She has wanted to try, he will be apt and ready to shut the fuck up and submit to Her, and She will have the time and space to get into the mood or NOT get into the mood at Her own pace.  She should feel NO obligation to him whatsoever, besides simply to his personal safety (water, passing out, etc.).
At the end of the night it especially wonderful, if She sees fit, if She has as many orgasms as She wants and HE HAS NONE.  Chances are he will masturbating about the evening for a long time, so it's quite irrelevant that She cater to him during this time.  

A few tips for the male :
  • Breath, and treat this as a meditative exercise.
  • Try to be in your body as much as possible, savoring sensation.
  • Be quiet and respectful. you are creating a space for HER sexual energy and desires, not yours.
  • Frustration is a sensation.  Learn to enjoy it.
  • Notice and think about your arousal levels.
  • Be appreciative and grateful for this experience, women sometimes find it vulnerable and scary to play dominantly, especially with their partner.  
  • Be extra nice to Her. The more positive and sexual energy you give Her will be used against you!
  • When She is having an extra stressful week, or isn't feeling that sexy, maybe it's a good night for leftovers :)

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

A Glossary of BDSM terms

In My research one day I found a glossary of BDSM terms and practices that I would like to share with everyone.  This is to help those of you who have asked Me questions like : "What is this?"  "Why ?" etc.
Of course if you ask Me in person the answers can be much more insightful, however this glossary seems to offer a great deal of base knowledge to the one doing the wondering.  Enjoy your learning!  And feel free to always ask Me more.  Any time we teach, we are learning more ourselves.


Saturday, February 8, 2014

A Helpless Male Slave in Bondage

I love how helpless and vulnerable suspension can render a male, and how quickly.
A wonderful preparation for any torture I want to administer.