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Friday, February 21, 2014

Being a Dominant Woman: BDSM Game for Couples in Real Life

I know what it is like to live in the real world. You may want to play or enjoy fetish but stress and life and expected roles keep you from it.  I try to create ways to help with that so people can enjoy play regardless. This is a game I thought of for couples to play together with Femdom, Goddess worship style.  It is easy and simple and one must remember:

AS THIS IS ALL ABOUT HER, the woman can keep on Her work clothes or wear whatever She pleases. I call this game "Leftovers" because I feel it is a good way to warm up to Femdom play, and it can be done after a day of work, it can be done with little or no prep.  It is proper to set an ending and starting time. If there is extra time at the beginning, a nice bath, chocolate, wine for Her may help the mood- anything to help Her feel luxurious and Goddess like.

The male is to be wrapped in saran wrap, with head exposed, either in a chair or on the coffee table. This can be done easily with either a few roles of regular saran wrap or BEST done with huge roll from the packing supply section of a hardware store. Alternatively the male can be simply restrained, that is, however the Lady prefers.  It is important to note the male should also be dressed how She prefers, to Her taste. Naked, in something She finds sexy, whatever he had on, it is up to Her.  If the Lady is a fan of "Dexter" She may also place a forehead restraining layer of saran to Her taste.

It is best to gag the male if the couple is newer to BDSM or perhaps the Lady is less in the mood. The most fun and cheapest, widely available gag would be to stuff Her panties in his mouth.  This can be done however She chooses, quickly and dismissively, depending on Her mood, or She can sit on top of him, tease him with them, make him consent or beg to be gagged with them.  This can help establish his place, help him to be in the submissive mood, and show HER the sexual power She has over him in this position.

AT ANY time if the male does NOT produce the behavior SHE wants to see, She may aim to NEGATIVELY reinforce this behavior; this can be done with punishment or SIMPLY LEAVING HIM ALONE TO SIT THERE WITHOUT HER.  Chances are, he would prefer to be played with, but She has NO obligation to do so, as this is about HER pleasure.  He will only be messed with when Her mood is stroked the right way! She has no need to justify any of Her behavior, if the male is simply annoying, testy, not eager enough, too damn eager, NOT PLAYING ALONG (the most heinous crime of all).  She should feel free to follow any damn whim She feels.

NOW when the male is gagged and restrained, this is a good time to use for some activity you have been putting off but need to do.  PLAY is going to make this boring activity fun!  Computer work, picking up the house, taxes, checking emails... whatever.  It is not imperative you even do something like that, I personally just like to use the time productively and it also creates a strong pull away from the male which you need to focus on.  I am also more aroused when My house is clean.  (Of course you could have had him clean already, and this is his reward!!!)  This way you can also justify following your whims-i.e. "Oh, well, I have to go back to what I was doing now, boy". She can watch TV, do yoga, or shop for shoes on the internet. She should ENJOY Her time, and focus on feeling good.  TO BE CLEAR, this is a way to play together, but it is also a time for the Lady to either be able to relax or get something done, and THIS TIME IS ALL ABOUT HER.  Music, candles, and incense can be good -to Her pleasure!

The male is here at this time for Her entertainment, Her punching bag, 

Her footrest, Her sexual toy, Her inanimate object.

Whenever SHE feels like it, like on the way to bathroom, between tasks, when frustrated or frisky, She can entertain Herself with his struggle!



























The good thing about the male being restrained and gagged is She has the quiet and freedom to be creative and enjoy Herself.  Because he knows he will be left alone if he doesn't act right, he has a huge incentive to be the ideal play partner.  She should not feel obligated to play when he wants, because every time She can deny him he will be getting more and more excited.  Specifically when he wants it the most can be the most fun time for Her to do something else, or just enjoy having a laugh at his predicament.
This is NOT a list of things for Her to do- this is a list of things I think can be fun with this sort of game, for example.

  • getting dressed up, in lingerie or latex and teasing, simply enjoying being sexy, and basking in your own sexual power.
  • torment- pain play can be experimented with of any kind, with a safe word of course.  he will be VERY receptive especially if he has been teased.
  • She can masturbate or use Her sex toys... wherever and however She pleases. In another room, on top of him, with him as a prop, near him but where he can hear but not see Her.
  • When he needs water or would hope for a bit of Her wine, he must drink what falls from Her mouth or Her body.  She becomes his source and sustenance.
  • She may force him to worship Her, any way She chooses, or even worship something She is wearing.
  • he may be blindfolded when and as She chooses.  This can be fun, but She should never forget the buildup of sexual power transferred as he is able to look at Her. 
These are just a few ideas. But basically, She has him over a barrel quickly if She has followed the above ideas, with little effort on Her part, and only when She likes.  So, if She has some fantasy, new toy, or thing She has wanted to try, he will be apt and ready to shut the fuck up and submit to Her, and She will have the time and space to get into the mood or NOT get into the mood at Her own pace.  She should feel NO obligation to him whatsoever, besides simply to his personal safety (water, passing out, etc.).
At the end of the night it especially wonderful, if She sees fit, if She has as many orgasms as She wants and HE HAS NONE.  Chances are he will masturbating about the evening for a long time, so it's quite irrelevant that She cater to him during this time.  

A few tips for the male :
  • Breath, and treat this as a meditative exercise.
  • Try to be in your body as much as possible, savoring sensation.
  • Be quiet and respectful. you are creating a space for HER sexual energy and desires, not yours.
  • Frustration is a sensation.  Learn to enjoy it.
  • Notice and think about your arousal levels.
  • Be appreciative and grateful for this experience, women sometimes find it vulnerable and scary to play dominantly, especially with their partner.  
  • Be extra nice to Her. The more positive and sexual energy you give Her will be used against you!
  • When She is having an extra stressful week, or isn't feeling that sexy, maybe it's a good night for leftovers :)