Friday, April 12, 2019

Honesty and Integrity in D/s

How does honesty serve the submissive?
When negotiations begin, an eye to honesty can show the Dominant :

  1. you are serious
  2. you can be trusted
  3. you are not going to be any hassle or stress to Her
  4. you will be worthy of Her honesty and time
  5. you are looking out for everyone's safety 
  6. you are a sane individual
Over the years of domination experience, one can expect a submissive to want to guard his own privacy.  For instance, he may wish to safeguard at all costs his family, occupation, or other solid, sacred foundations in his life.  This is understandable.  Of course in My stable these solid foundations are considered off limits, which is why I am usually averse to blackmail scenarios that play on the edges of these topics.  In a power exchange where I have purposely decided I have no interest in playing, it's distasteful to Me.  You could say, if you like, that the firm foundations of physical safety, family, a home, an occupation are off limits to Me in My practice.  I can have no power over what other people choose to play with, but I choose to associate with other Dommes and s types who align with the same values.  To the extent in My life that other dommes or s types have crossed that boundary, with Me or even with their own submissives, I have usually cut them off and exiled them.  Sometimes I offered the possibility of amends, sometimes I have not. Risk aware consensual kink can have a lot of grey areas but it is surely up to any individual in which they wish to engage.
As Dominants honesty and integrity becomes more important when an s type is strung up to the ceiling with electrical devices and stainless steel hooks.  We even are able to play with the edges with fear as the submissive knows from experience that he is safe with Me. Over the many years I have been playing 99% of My subjects have offered Me the same care, discretion, and respect.  Many who crossed My boundaries were simply excited, in their head space, and didn't mean to cause any offense.  However, if I get excited as a dominant I am not going to cross a hard limit, which is perhaps why I am the professional in the scene.  
Many women I have trained in dominance have expressed this fear- that if they do let go to their dominant, primal, sadistic urges they will cross a line or not know when to stop.  It is helpful to have expressive and forgiving submissives in that case.  
Many submissives I have seen have had the misfortune of seeing a professional Dominant who was not in their eyes professional.  At best this dishonesty leads to disappointment and at worst it leads to injury or lack of discretion- which is its own injury to be sure.  
As Dominance is a very controlling aspect, and dialing up My own dominance has led to a controlling nature in Myself I often have to check My own judgmental nature to other's D/s practices. I have to know that My version of D/s is the best for Me but not necessarily another Domme and her sub. I am a fairly conservative Domina, I am not a swinger, and many explorations of Swinger's clubs and parties have shown Me exactly who I am.   I hold a personal view regarding morality that was guided by My teenage explorations of Carl Gustav Jung, something like, "If you move yourself to edges of morality you will find your own" which is strikingly similar to a Hunter S Thompson quote.
Even this guiding compass is one I would not advocate to most, but for Me it is has offered a wonderful, rich tapestry, and made all the difference.

We have to be honest with ourselves.